Excitement for the holiday season has been creeping up within me for weeks. I could hardly wait to get my tree decorated. I have enjoyed seeing all of the new decorations in town. I have "liked" every picture of Christmas trees pictured on FaceBook. I shopped early and still wanted to go out on Black Friday to shop a little more.
As I "decked" my halls, I took my time. I savored all of the memories of Christmas past. I looked at pictures from years before. My heart was warmed and I felt joy for the season as I strategically placed each ornament and bobble. I have played Christmas music to go to sleep by many nights.
There is nothing that is different about this year than all of the rest. My stateside grandchildren are busy in school and their parents are carrying on with life as usual. My youngest sweet thing is learning how to negotiate slick wood floors and trying to reach anything that looks of interest in his eye of discovery. My overseas kids are busy getting ready to open a coffee shop. They will have Christmas in their country, sharing moments with their team and other expats who live there. Mom is doing well, and has also caught a little of the Christmas spirit overflow that I have. Mickey is watching football. Although the nephews, nieces and greats will all make their way to our house at sometime this Christmas, for the most part it is just the three of us who reside here that will be together. Still there is a spark of Christmas cheer that is running through my life this year.
As I pondered this I began to think about the last few Christmas seasons.
In 2010, Ajay was born - in December. Chase and Lacey were in Church Planting school and were planning their US exit at the time. They knew they would live somewhere other than the US and so did we. His birth was miraculous, no less. He was so precious and we were filled with wonder at our third grandson's arrival. We felt an urgency to get to know him. We wanted to be with him even though he lived in Texas, far away. This happiness was tainted only by the pending move that we knew would take him from our lives eventually. He came to our house for Christmas that year - only 2 weeks old. Everyone wanted to see him, to hold him, and to be with his parents. Everyone else knew what we knew - that it would be one of the last Christmas seasons with them. I must admit that I was so overwhelmed. Our house was full all the time with people coming and going. It didn't feel like Christmas. It wasn't slow and easy. It was hard. I was sad much of the time.
In 2011 we experienced our first Cyber-Christmas. Chase, Lacey and Ajay were in Asia and having Christmas alone. Kelly and her family were at our house. We Skyped Christmas package opening. It is what it is. It is so nice to see their faces over Skype and be with them as we can, but it isn't the same as being in another one's presence. You can't smell them or touch them. We began to learn about blowing kisses. I am so grateful for this media blessing but I just want to touch them and smell them!!
Dad was also very sick that year. He had home health coming in and his health was failing. We didn't know then, but it would be his last Christmas with us. Alice and Bob were standing on alert to come when they were needed. Neither did we know or even suspect that it would also be Bob's last Christmas with us.
December the 5th, 2012, I found myself boarding an airplane headed to India. Our grand daughter was to be born, hopefully by the end of the month, in India. My plan was to spend Ajay's second birthday with him, have Christmas with the Moore's in India, Skype reverse with my grandchildren, Kelly and Aaron, Mickey and Mom on Christmas day, and be present for the birth of my first (an as it turned out, only) grand daughter. I had never spent a Christmas, in 56 years, away from my mother and had never spent Christmas in 37 away from Mickey. It was our first holiday season without Dad and Bob. I spent my 56th birthday over the ocean in great anticipation of touching and smelling my overseas children and grandchildren at Christmas that year! I was also very sad for what I'd left behind. I decorated half heartedly that year, knowing that I wouldn't be there to enjoy the sights and sounds - and I don't think I really felt all that jolly. I missed the birth of my youngest grandson back in the US, however, once again, Skype saved the day. I finally put away my Christmas decorations in March this year!
So there it is. My reason for cheer this year...the past few years have been shrouded with change, loss, excitement and sadness. I don't think I have enjoyed the pure joy of the season for a few years now. I intend to make the best of what this year is offering. We purchased a new tree and new decorations, I plan to holiday bake and give small token gifts of love, I plan to make a Christmas music playlist, and enjoy every moment of every day. I don't really care if you say "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas" to me! I am grateful for the light spirit of holiday happiness and joy that God has placed in my heart for this season!
AND next year...we will ALL be together again!!
No comments:
Post a Comment