India really whacked me! I never expected that. It is mid-March and I am just beginning to feel like I belong here again. I was met at the airport by my beloved at midnight. He whisked me away to a hotel in Conway to get some much needed sleep before continuing the journey to Northwest Arkansas where our two day old newborn grandson was waiting to meet me. Needless to say, I was not the great help that I had planned, to my daughter and her family. I was hobbling on my fractured heel, still on India time, and worried about my 87 year old mother who was in the hospital. We cut our stay short and I went home to Batesville for some much needed R and R.
My first stop was the hospital. I wasn't much help there either, but I spent the night with Mom hoping to give my brother and sister and their spouses some relief. We were very happy for her to be released soon after I got home.
It was then time for me to pay attention to what the doctor had told me before I left for India - it would be impossible for my heel to heal without getting completely off of it for two weeks. I never dreamed what that would mean! I tried to be good...tried to stay put...tried not to let my weight down on my heel - I was not very successful. I even rented a scooter to help me get around. (OK - that was actually fun). But my house is not the best place to recover in a situation such as this. I would ride as much as I could and use a walker as much as possible - but OH, the stairs!!
Two new grandbabies, leaving the Moores and knowing it would be a while until I saw them again, being unable to help the Parks or really, my Mom, being cripple, having to get used to the time change, remembering what my life had been like before, trying to recommit to things I planned to jump right back into...I was overwhelmed. The thing is, I didn't even really recognize it as such. I was going through the motions, doing the things I thought I should, and trying to re-assume my life. But I felt WEIRD.
I'm not sure if this was a "counter-culture shock" or what, but mostly, I just seemed to do nothing. I was not terribly emotional. I was not excited. I wasn't particularly sad or even happy. I was just - here. I blogged during that time, and it seemed to be what I needed and wanted to do. I wanted to write about everything I had seen and communicate my experiences. I looked at, categorized, and cropped pictures. I posted on FaceBook and wrote in my personal journal.
Finally, I was able to return to Northwest Arkansas to see my wee littlest grandson, whose birth I totally missed. Holding him was good medicine. Being with my children and grandchildren was helpful and healing. Life began to come back to me - the life that I have always lived.
My priorities are different. I'm not sure that I will return to all the things I did before or to the obligations to which I had formerly committed. There are some things that I will need to jump start. I need to become more interested in my health and well-fare. I want to pursue my relationship with my Jesus - the Holy Spirit living inside of me - my Creator God who is my great Provider, with a red-hot passion.
I want to write - to leave something of worth for the next generation. I am scrap-booking my mom's old photographs so that what her generation left us won't be lost. I want to see the world...visit places that I have never been before...tell others of the need and the darkness that Satan has left people in with no hope. I am feeling an urgency - a sense of closure, but yet also one of hope and newness of the future.
I'm not sure exactly where this is going, but it begins with putting one foot in front of the other...not "doing nothing"! I think that I am changed and that it is a good thing.
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